You might have noticed that I haven’t written in a while. My soul has been passing through a season of drought. I’ve been fighting through a dip or lupus flare. As a result, fatigue, dizziness, and headaches have assaulted me.
As usual, I attempted “dirt therapy” in my yard and fell early on a Saturday morning while home alone. No one was up and about in our quiet cul-de-sac. I had left my phone inside, so I was unable to call for help. Eventually, after wiggling my toes, turning my head back and forth, and moving my arms, I was able to scoot to my car parked in the driveway only two inches from where I had fallen. I grabbed the top of the wheel and heaved myself up to a semi-standing position. I made it inside and collapsed in my recliner from which I didn’t move all day till Tim came home that evening. By then, my whole left side was bruised, swollen, and throbbing, especially my wrist. The next day, I went for x-rays and ended up needing a soft cast on my wrist. And then the following week, I fell again while getting up in the night and passed out. I’ve been a swollen black and blue mess from my head down to the soles of my feet.
I’ve avoided being around people, because I’ve had no reserve energy to share. Exhausted from the inside out, I’ve struggled with resting and healing. For you see, “doing nothing” was frowned upon in our home growing up. Each and every day we were to be productive. Thankfully, creative endeavors and reading were praised and viewed as productive!
As a result, I’ve always fought feelings of guilt during times of recuperation. I know I’m burnt out when I don’t have the stamina to do the things I love most. Even my garden has suffered from neglect! Thank goodness for the recent and unusual Texas spring storms. The work I did in the fall garden is paying off on its own without my interference!
A few days ago, I spent the afternoon with two of my girlfriends; you know the kind with whom you can be totally transparent, laugh till your cheeks hurt, cry for no special reason, and freely toss validations to each other! When I ask them for “thoughts and prayers” they recieve my request with a hearty welcome and follow through.
I left them that afternoon still bruised and sore, but drenched by their love and unequivical understanding. My soul was full to overflowing like my rain collection buckets during a Texas thunderstorm!
Thank you ladies for quenching my parched soul.
Whom do you seek when your soul is parched and thirsty?
The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Sheila, I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles and falls. I understand the consequences of having who encouraged never having idle hands, and it’s only in these last few years that I’ve learned to say no, relax, and give myself margin and space in life. When I found myself taking a nap three days in a row last week after a weekend visit from a dear friend, I gave myself permission to not feel guilty. Introverts need those times of recharging and rest more than most. Following the example of godly, active parents is a challenge, and that’s when I remember to step back and focus on the One who is my ultimate example and learn that even he took time alone, slept at inopportune moments, and didn’t heal everyone or answer every question. That gives me great comfort when I need to step back. Praying for you as you rest in Him.
Thank you so ,much for reminding me of Jesus’ example of getting away, taking naps, and resting.You know first hand from where my guilt comes!!!
I’m so relieved you are doing a little better. I understand your drought of the soul. Mine is different in that I am living through a drought due to my brother being ill and almost dying. I was surrounded by people but alone. I am finally feeling like the drought is clearing. I thank God that he meets you where you are and carries you with Him.
I totally understand! Sometimes I feel like I’m having an out of body experience looking in on reality. Hang in there.