I needed a straight up, talk to me face to face, direct, kitchen table conversation with God. An ask, an opportunity, a request, a plea landed in my lap this last month that has the potential to turn my safely choreographed, routine-driven life upside down. Travel with me as I back peddle.

Almost eight years ago, a few years after I took medical retirement from Baylor University because of the double whammy of lupus and cancer, I received a request from LSESD (Lebanese Society for Education and Social Development) to help guide in creating a special education program. Besides schools for the blind and hearing impaired, nothing was available in Lebanese schools to support other students with disabilities. I answered the call, and with a team of amazingly talented educators in Lebanon, we got to work.

We named our new adventure SKILD (Smart Kids with Learning Differences). Today, it is a stand-alone center for diagnosis, training, and therapy for students with disabilities. It is also a vital presence in 45 Lebanese schools of all religious affiliations. This last year, SKILD branched out into Jordan as well, under the auspices of Queen Rania. I’ve been following SKILD’s phenomenal, successful outreach like a proud mama from afar!

Jump to the present. LSESD has asked me to come back and help develop a disability support office in North Lebanon at NDU, Notre Dame University, a highly ranked Maronite Catholic university. My initial response was, “Yay,” then I screeched and reversed with “Eeeek!”

I asked myself, “how can my falling apart, disease-ravaged body hold up to this challenge?” Meanwhile, my heart was simultaneously racing forward with overwhelming thrill and anticipation.

So this is why I needed that straight up, talk to me face to face visit with God. He plopped this in my lap. I didn’t ask for it. How am I going to respond?

The devotionals this week from Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers, were from John 21:17, “Feed my Sheep,” and Acts 20:24, “Finish my Race with Joy.” The meditation read, “Pour yourself out. Don’t testify about how much you love me and don’t talk about the wonderful revelation you have had, just feed my sheep… Have you received a ministry from the Lord? If so, you must be faithful to it… We each have to find a niche in life, and spiritually we find it when we receive a ministry from the Lord… Be one with Jesus who was absolutely indifferent to any consideration other than that of fulfilling the ministry He had received.”

I think I have my answer. What do you think?

Am I being of use?